At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
