there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
