how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
organizing the empties. That sober.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
