Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
