his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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