2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
