I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
