I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
