i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
don't judge my taste in strippers
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
