You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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