were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
