we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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