apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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