theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
