I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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