Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
