i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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