I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
