So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
