This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
