I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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