My liver just broke up with me...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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