So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
where are my eyebrows?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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