she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
