so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
