he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
