Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
