I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
