How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i out mim tonsoeep
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize