Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
