It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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