we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
