he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
