My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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