you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I need water and some morals
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize