OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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