I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
