I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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