it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
