I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
