you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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