If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
