The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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