did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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