So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
