I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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