Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
this hospital has no fireball
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
