I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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