You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have feelings that need drinking.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
