I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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