i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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