i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
