my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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