...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
MIDGETS
????
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
