i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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