he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
