Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
