I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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