Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize