she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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