rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
