By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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