is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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