I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
