This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
