bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
