Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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