Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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