I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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