i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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