He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
