Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
