??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
