I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
