I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
