My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
